Would you say that Nadya Suleman,who already had six children, and just gave birth to eight more, is living a "take-charge" life? She's done exactly what she set out to do,and that's pretty take-charge, isn't it? Yet many people are furious at both the mother as well as the unnamed doctor that allowed this to happen.
What is the fury about as you see it?
Is it her ability to provide for fourteen children? Financial worries may be a moot point. Ms Suleman already has a couple of publicists and seems poised to rake in millions through movie and book rights to her story, not to mention well-paying ads featuring her eight adorable babies. There is even the question of whether this was planned for that purpose.
Perhaps she's hit a national nerve just by defying conventional norms and daring to be different. Or is the worry that even if she has enough food and clothing, what does it mean to spread love and attention to so many offspring?
Naturally I have thoughts about all of this. But, I'm writing this post because I really want to know what others think. Is this living a take-charge life, however unusual, or is it being out of control and not take-charge at all? Please let me hear from you!
Best,
Marion Jacobs, Ph.D.
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Coping in financially stressful times
Laguna Beach Independent Dec. 26, 2008
Guest column
The Season for Fresh Starts
By DR. MARION JACOBS
Most of us have taken a hit in the current financial crisis. As with other stressful life events—a house destroyed by earthquake or fire, serious illness, death of a loved one, divorce—there are better and worse ways to cope.
We can face the new economic changes kicking and screaming, which of course only aggravates the situation. A much healthier choice is viewing the economic crunch as a challenge to think outside the box and react creatively. Not surprisingly, research shows that people who approach adversity as a challenge fare much better than people who stay focused on how bad things are and how helpless they feel. Sure, sometimes all of us hear inner voices of doubt and worry. That doesn't mean we have to turn up the volume on those voices, or let them control our decisions.
The best way to deal with stressful times is to assess what options you have in your particular situation and take charge of those things that are in your power to control. Obviously, you can't fix the market, or undo the housing crisis, but of the things that are impacting you, what can you do that is constructive?
The American Psychological Association recently put out a tip sheet titled "Managing Your Stress in Tough Economic Times." Here are some highlights. To read the entire tip sheet go to: http://www.apapractice.org/apo/in_the_news/managing_your_ stress.html
Don't overreact with either panic or passivity to bad economic news. Your best decisions come when you stay calm and focused.
Make a detailed plan with your family for reducing expenses. Write it down. Get everyone to commit to following it. Periodically review the plan.
Avoid responding to financial stresses with unhealthy behaviors like drinking, smoking, gambling, overeating, or arguments with your partner. If you need to, seek professional help.
Turn the situation into an opportunity for growth and personal change. Reset your priorities, spend more quality time with friends and family, exercise, get enough rest, think creatively. What are some new ways to manage the situation? What are some new ways to give meaning to your life?
Get help if you need it from professional financial planners, credit counselors, psychotherapists, support groups.
Some final thoughts for coping with unwanted change: Stay in charge of yourself and your decisions. Keep your eye on where you are heading, not on what has passed. Don't let go of your sense of humor. Stay in touch with supportive people. Pat yourself on the back for taking constructive steps forward. Keep a positive attitude. Keep at it. With New Year's just around the corner, you're in the perfect season for fresh starts.
Marion Jacobs, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Laguna Beach and adjunct professor emerita at UCLA, is author of the self-help book and audio CD, "Take-Charge Living: How to Recast Your Role in Life…One Scene At A Time." Her website is www.takechargeliving. com.
Guest column
The Season for Fresh Starts
By DR. MARION JACOBS
Most of us have taken a hit in the current financial crisis. As with other stressful life events—a house destroyed by earthquake or fire, serious illness, death of a loved one, divorce—there are better and worse ways to cope.
We can face the new economic changes kicking and screaming, which of course only aggravates the situation. A much healthier choice is viewing the economic crunch as a challenge to think outside the box and react creatively. Not surprisingly, research shows that people who approach adversity as a challenge fare much better than people who stay focused on how bad things are and how helpless they feel. Sure, sometimes all of us hear inner voices of doubt and worry. That doesn't mean we have to turn up the volume on those voices, or let them control our decisions.
The best way to deal with stressful times is to assess what options you have in your particular situation and take charge of those things that are in your power to control. Obviously, you can't fix the market, or undo the housing crisis, but of the things that are impacting you, what can you do that is constructive?
The American Psychological Association recently put out a tip sheet titled "Managing Your Stress in Tough Economic Times." Here are some highlights. To read the entire tip sheet go to: http://www.apapractice.org/apo/in_the_news/managing_your_ stress.html
Don't overreact with either panic or passivity to bad economic news. Your best decisions come when you stay calm and focused.
Make a detailed plan with your family for reducing expenses. Write it down. Get everyone to commit to following it. Periodically review the plan.
Avoid responding to financial stresses with unhealthy behaviors like drinking, smoking, gambling, overeating, or arguments with your partner. If you need to, seek professional help.
Turn the situation into an opportunity for growth and personal change. Reset your priorities, spend more quality time with friends and family, exercise, get enough rest, think creatively. What are some new ways to manage the situation? What are some new ways to give meaning to your life?
Get help if you need it from professional financial planners, credit counselors, psychotherapists, support groups.
Some final thoughts for coping with unwanted change: Stay in charge of yourself and your decisions. Keep your eye on where you are heading, not on what has passed. Don't let go of your sense of humor. Stay in touch with supportive people. Pat yourself on the back for taking constructive steps forward. Keep a positive attitude. Keep at it. With New Year's just around the corner, you're in the perfect season for fresh starts.
Marion Jacobs, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in Laguna Beach and adjunct professor emerita at UCLA, is author of the self-help book and audio CD, "Take-Charge Living: How to Recast Your Role in Life…One Scene At A Time." Her website is www.takechargeliving. com.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Hi All,
For reasons unknown Google had me unable to blog for several weeks.
During that time I had an article published in a local paper about taking charge during difficult financial times. Then, another wonderful thing happened. The New York Times interviewed me for an article about how to keep New Year's resolutions. Below are the links to both.
With best wishes for the New Year.
Marion
For reasons unknown Google had me unable to blog for several weeks.
During that time I had an article published in a local paper about taking charge during difficult financial times. Then, another wonderful thing happened. The New York Times interviewed me for an article about how to keep New Year's resolutions. Below are the links to both.
With best wishes for the New Year.
Marion
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
How Are You Managing These Days?
Lots of people are writing about how to make do with less in these stressful financial times. The advice is generally similar. Don't overreact and panic, make a spending plan, spend more time with friends and family, avoid abusing food, drugs or alcohol to console yourself, think creatively about new opportunities, shift your priorities from material things to relationships and other forms of less costly pleasures, appreciate what you do have instead of walking around feeling deprived. It's all great advice, but can people really do it?
I'm wondering how well managing this financial earthquake is going for most people. With American culture having been focused for so long on wealth, celebrity, ownership of things large and small, are you, your family, your friends, able to make the mental shift into appreciating things that are lower key, more everyday?
What works for you? What doesn't? Social support is a powerful thing. If we share our experiences, we can help each other through tough times. And who knows, we may discover some pretty wonderful things along the way.
Marion Jacobs
I'm wondering how well managing this financial earthquake is going for most people. With American culture having been focused for so long on wealth, celebrity, ownership of things large and small, are you, your family, your friends, able to make the mental shift into appreciating things that are lower key, more everyday?
What works for you? What doesn't? Social support is a powerful thing. If we share our experiences, we can help each other through tough times. And who knows, we may discover some pretty wonderful things along the way.
Marion Jacobs
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Taking Charge in Times of Financial Stress
If you're like most of us, you've probably taken a hit in the current financial crisis. But as with any crisis in life, (fire, flood or earthquake, serious illness, death of a loved one, loss of an important relationship, physical assualt, just to name a few of life's crises), there are better and worse ways to cope with it.
People who approach the crisis and the problems it brings as a challenge are so much better off than people who let themselves sink into endless rumination about how bad things are and--more importantly--how helpless they are.
The constructive, the healthy way to deal with trouble, is to figure out what options you have in the situation. Then, take charge of what is in your power to control. Obviously, you can't fix the market, or undo the housing crisis, but of the things that are impacting you, what CAN you do that is constructive? For one thing, not slipping into a state of endless rehearsal of your troubles is a good start. What other useful steps, big or small, are available to you? Do you need to consult with someone for advice? What can you do to keep yourself calm and clear headed?
A good piece of advice for any crisis is to take care of yourself. that means eat well, get enough sleep, exercise, don't abuse alcohol or drugs. People think better and cope better when they are in decent shape. Also, avoid any hasty decisions. Decisions made in a panic can do a lot of damage.
I'd like to hear from you. What are you doing that is helpful to you? As a group we can support one another in this stressful time. Jump in the discussion.
Best to everyone,
Marion Jacobs, Ph.D.
People who approach the crisis and the problems it brings as a challenge are so much better off than people who let themselves sink into endless rumination about how bad things are and--more importantly--how helpless they are.
The constructive, the healthy way to deal with trouble, is to figure out what options you have in the situation. Then, take charge of what is in your power to control. Obviously, you can't fix the market, or undo the housing crisis, but of the things that are impacting you, what CAN you do that is constructive? For one thing, not slipping into a state of endless rehearsal of your troubles is a good start. What other useful steps, big or small, are available to you? Do you need to consult with someone for advice? What can you do to keep yourself calm and clear headed?
A good piece of advice for any crisis is to take care of yourself. that means eat well, get enough sleep, exercise, don't abuse alcohol or drugs. People think better and cope better when they are in decent shape. Also, avoid any hasty decisions. Decisions made in a panic can do a lot of damage.
I'd like to hear from you. What are you doing that is helpful to you? As a group we can support one another in this stressful time. Jump in the discussion.
Best to everyone,
Marion Jacobs, Ph.D.
Monday, August 25, 2008
The Challenge of Changing Your Behavior
How well do you meet the challenge of changing your behavior when you know it would improve the quality of your life? To help you answer that question, look at the following scale. Picture number 1 as people who feel quite helpless, almost totally out of control of their lives. Number 10 is the opposite, people who feel on top of things and quite in charge of their lives. Most of us fall somewhere in between.
Take a moment. Think about it. At this point in your life, where do you place yourself?
How Much I Feel In Control Of My Life
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I feel very little personal I feel a lot of personal control control over my life. over my life
Chances are, the less personal control (that is, the less in charge you feel over your life), the less happy you are. As a clinical psychologist, I’ve spent many years working with many different kinds of people dealing with many different kinds of problems. I am convinced the bottom line is this:
· Feeling you have a reasonable degree of personal control over your life is essential to your emotional health and well-being.
· Research shows a sense of personal control over your life is also a major contributor to keeping you physically healthy.
· The opposite is true as well. Feeling helpless is bad for both your mental and physical health.
The scale above is a useful first step for taking stock of your situation.
Take a moment. Think about it. At this point in your life, where do you place yourself?
How Much I Feel In Control Of My Life
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
I feel very little personal I feel a lot of personal control control over my life. over my life
Chances are, the less personal control (that is, the less in charge you feel over your life), the less happy you are. As a clinical psychologist, I’ve spent many years working with many different kinds of people dealing with many different kinds of problems. I am convinced the bottom line is this:
· Feeling you have a reasonable degree of personal control over your life is essential to your emotional health and well-being.
· Research shows a sense of personal control over your life is also a major contributor to keeping you physically healthy.
· The opposite is true as well. Feeling helpless is bad for both your mental and physical health.
The scale above is a useful first step for taking stock of your situation.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
A Take-Charge Living poem for women
Take-Charge Living is all about directing your own life instead of letting circumstances or other people run it for you. A friend just sent me this wonderful poem by that every
woman should read. It's called A Woman Should Have, and it is very much in the same spirit as my Take-Charge Living book, only said more beautifully.
Best to everyone,
Marion Jacobs
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
woman should read. It's called A Woman Should Have, and it is very much in the same spirit as my Take-Charge Living book, only said more beautifully.
Best to everyone,
Marion Jacobs
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a youth she's content to leave behind....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to
retelling it in her old age....
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ....
one friend who always makes her laugh... and one who lets her cry...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal,
that will make her guests feel honored...
A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a feeling of control over her destiny...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to fall in love without losing herself..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to quit a job,
break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without;
ruining the friendship...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
when to try harder... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....
that she can't change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW....
that her childhood may not have been perfect...but it's over...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
how to live alone... even if she doesn't like it...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW.. .
whom she can trust,
whom she can't,
and why she shouldn't take it personally...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
where to go...
be it to her best friend's kitchen table..
or a charming Inn in the woods...
when her soul needs soothing...
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
What she can and can't accomplish in a day...
a month...and a year...
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